Betrayed by Your Partner’s Porn Addiction? – How to Rebuild Your Relationship

Has your world recently been shattered by your partner’s porn addiction?

Do you feel like your partner isn’t even the person you fell for in the beginning, but you know you want to try to find that person again?

While forgiving this betrayal only takes one of you, rebuilding the trust in your relationship will take you both.

Much like a sandy white beach wiped away by a hurricane, trust can be lost quickly and in large quantities.

The rebuilding, though, happens much differently. Pebble by pebble, over time, it's important to rebuild trust in order for the relationship to work.

It’s not automatic and it’s not easy. It's actually really fucking hard. But it is possible. How?

Participate in Full Disclosure

Full disclosure isn’t a walk in the park for either partner, but it can be incredibly effective. It would mean to listen to your partner honestly reveal their behaviors related to their porn addiction.

Porn Addiction Glendora

It’s been likened to the ripping off of a bandage. Rather than a slow reveal of scattered disclosure, which can often promote more distrust, your partner shares all at once with structured support of trained Certified Sex Addiction Therapists.

In fully disclosing the facts, you take steps towards repairing the foundation of your relationship.

Get Separate Counseling

The knowledge of what your partner has done can be very traumatic. It can feel like an explosion of the most destructive sort. Pieces of your former life, or rather what you thought was your former life, scatter everywhere. Please don’t try to pick all the pieces up by yourself.

In addition to seeking out therapy together, get separate counseling apart from your partner. You will most likely need some help to understand your own emotions. It’s a difficult time and you have the right to get help in dealing with it all.

If you and your partner are staying together, you have work to do together. If you’re already working with a therapist specializing in sex and porn addictions then you’re on the right track. Navigating through this complex time of trust-building will require the aid of a knowledgeable support system.

Request That Your Partner Have an Accountability Partner

Or better yet, partners with an 'S'! An important element during this time of rebuilding trust is accountability. While accountability and honesty is important for your partner to have towards you, it isn't healthy and advisable for you to be the "go to" accountability person. It often creates an unhealthy dynamic between the couple wherein you are in a parent-like role. It's helpful to have boundaries around what is important and healthy for you to know versus particular "nitty gritty" information that would be best for your partner to process with their sponsor and others in recovery.

Accountability may seem a little bit overboard for some, but it’s necessary. Most likely, the sex addiction entangled your partner while you weren’t present. It could have been occurring a few yards from you and you weren't aware. Staying up after you’d gone to bed, having all-access to the internet, or not being honest with whereabouts could have played a huge role in your partner’s porn addiction.

While it can be painful for your partner to be honest with you, it is necessary for trust to rebuild.

Rebuild Intimacy in Non-Sexual Ways

Participating in a 90-day abstinence phase is an excellent start on the road to rebuilding trust. This abstinence phase is a method of resetting your partner’s sexualized thinking. It’s a sort of detox, per se.

During this period and even if you choose not to participate in the 90-day abstinence phase, be open to intimacy in non-sexual ways. Sex is often used as a temporary fix for less than temporary problems within a relationship. Without the clutch of sex, you will be motivated to find other ways to be close to each other.

Emotional intimacy is a good place to start. Spend time reconnecting through communication and activities that aren’t sexual in nature. In fact, going to bed at the same time provides an excellent time for intimate communication—of the verbal kind.

Rebuilding your relationship will take more than these four components, but I hope this provides some direction to start. If you are interested in some extra support for porn addiction in Glendora, I welcome you to contact me here.